 We all have various labels that we pick up during life that describe who we are or what we do as determined by ourselves or others and often more broadly by society. Take a moment to consider what the labels are that you carry? Perhaps it is ‘mother’, ‘father’, ‘sister’, ‘the responsible one’, ‘the failure’, ‘the achiever’, ‘the sensitive one’, ‘the dreamer’, ‘the carer’ or perhaps a certain job title. Whatever the labels are, ask yourself now whether they feel like a good fit for you or do they make you feel like you are being backed into a corner with nowhere to go? What responsibilities do you carry with these labels and do they feel good or do they feel like a burden? What stories do you tell yourself about what you need to do or be to fulfil these roles and responsibilities? Is there a belief you need to fulfil these roles to keep others happy? And do these labels conflict with what your heart truly desires? If your heart’s desires and your reality match then well done! Keep doing what you are doing! For many there is a significant gap between roles that feel authentic and the reality of the day to day grind. Hence the rapidly growing rates of depression and anxiety as people accumulate increasing pressures and feelings of responsibility that are out of synch with where they feel they want to be. This creates a sense of inner conflict. This may not be conscious but present as a gnawing feeling of discontent and a feeling of ‘there should be more to life than this’. How do you change this story? It can be scary to step out of the safety net of others’ expectations. Of standing out from the crowd. We are hard-wired as humans to feel safer fitting in and to be part of the status quo. In pre-historic times if you didn’t fit in with the tribe or tried to tread your own path it could put you in great danger as safety lay in being part of and cooperating with the group. So how do you start to create a life that feels more authentic to you? Here are some questions to ask yourself to begin mapping out what a more heart-driven life might feel like to you.
These questions help you to define your values. Values are our guiding principles about what is important to us. When we don’t live in a way that fits with our values, or are living to fit in with other people’s values, life can feel quite unfulfilling and dissatisfying. What is the first step you can take now to create a life more in tune with your authentic self and what your heart truly desires? Baby steps are a great way to test the waters and infinitely better than no steps at all! If you would like more information or to book a session with me from anywhere in the world you can refer to the details on my website, or contact me using the information below. Warm wishes Karen Northey Counsellor / Coach EFT Practitioner (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Website: www.connexionscounselling.com Email: [email protected]
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 Do you sometimes feel that you want things to be easier but no matter what you try life just seems hard? That surely there must be an easier way to do things? Do you feel there is something stopping you from moving forward easily? Imagine for a moment you need to go into a building. But instead of going through the front door, which is obviously the easiest and most direct route, you go via the foundations. Crawling through mud and water and ducking under beams. Thinking all the while, 'there must be an easier way'. Eventually you come out from under the other side of the building and ask a passer-by if there is an easier way to get into the building and they tell you how to get to the front entrance! Such is the power of the subconscious mind and beliefs that can blind us to seemingly obvious possibilities. When you have programs running in the background that limit you, there often doesn't seem to be an easy way forward. Beliefs are our filter for how we perceive and make meaning of the world. Beliefs are often unconscious, often illogical to our current way of thinking, and almost always developed in the early years of life. If your three-year-old self developed a belief about life it would have made perfect sense at that age but maybe not so much now. This can make beliefs quite difficult to define. For example, perhaps as a three-year-old child you were playing a new game, and a parent said something that made you feel what you were doing wasn't good enough or you were doing it the wrong way. As an adult you would probably shrug this off or be able to work through it. But as a three-year-old your self-worth may feel crushed and in that moment you may start to form a belief about yourself being not good enough. Once a belief is formed the mind tends to go looking for evidence to support it. The mind is a fact seeking machine and very good at its job! One way to start clarifying current beliefs is to notice repeating patterns in your life. What is it you hold to be true that is stopping you from doing things differently? Or perhaps think about something you have been wanting to do that you have been struggling with. This might be starting a new business, start exercising regularly, doing some study, leaving an unhealthy relationship, asking for a raise, etc. Then say: “I would (eg. start my own business) BUT….. And notice what comes immediately to mind after the ‘BUT’. This provides clues to your beliefs. This might be beliefs about you, or beliefs about what is available to you or what you deserve. Beliefs are not permanent. They can be changed. However, your mind will likely create resistance about changing these beliefs. After all, they were created for a reason that seemed very valid at the time. That is why it can be helpful to gain the support of a mentor, counsellor or coach to assist you in examining and changing beliefs and supporting you to move forward through any resistance that arises. Everyone has different beliefs that can limit them or lift them. How you choose to move forward with them is up to you. If you would like more information or to book a session with me from anywhere in the world you can refer to the details on my website, or contact me using the information below. Warm wishes Karen Northey Counsellor / Coach EFT Practitioner (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Website: www.connexionscounselling.com Email: [email protected]  Busyness and stress seem to be part of life these days. Often we may not be able to avoid this but one thing we can do is find ‘feel good’ activities that help us to recharge our batteries. Everyone is different in terms of what generates feelings of relaxation and gaining more energy. It can be helpful to make a list of activities that you know help you recharge and feel good. For me these include:
How about you? What are the things that help you feel good? If you aren’t sure, make this an opportunity to start trying some different activities to see what works for you. When you have your list, try putting it somewhere visible to act as a reminder for when life gets busy. Sometimes we need that visual reminder to prompt us into action. Warm wishes Karen Northey Counsellor / Coach EFT Practitioner (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Website: www.connexionscounselling.com Email: [email protected]  Hero or victim. Which do you choose to be? To be a victim feels like being caught between who you are and who you want to be. Being a victim means giving your power away. The question is to whom or to what situation? And why? Giving your power away creates instability. It feels wrong but can also feel familiar based on old beliefs generated through our life. But you need to ask yourself - do you want to stay in something that is familiar and uncomfortable or do you want to change? How can you start to change? Your thoughts give you power: Your thoughts are your own. You have power over them right now. Choose your thoughts to support what you want or what you want to be. This is one of the most powerful tools that everyone has. How are you thinking about yourself right now? Be mindful of how you think about yourself. Pay attention to your thoughts and think only kind and loving thoughts as much as possible. Take action! Get outside. Move your body! Movement is so powerful in helping us to feel strong and centred. Find something you enjoy and do it regularly. Build up your confidence doing something you love. In this way you move forward stepping more into who you want to be and less into victim status that drains you and keeps you stuck. The choice is yours. Choose wisely in favour of what you want to do and be. Warm wishes Karen Northey Counsellor / Coach EFT Practitioner (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Website: www.connexionscounselling.com Email: [email protected] Do you remember the "Choose Your Own Adventure" stories popular around the 1980's? The general idea was that each book was written with the potential for many different outcomes and the reader was invited to make choices throughout the story that then determined the final outcome. Much like life! Imagine for a moment you are writing your own 'Choose Your Own Adventure' story! The two potential characters you get to choose between are named 'Victim' and 'Hero'. 'Victim' can leap small buildings in a single bound (as long as they are tiny and present no challenge). And can completely disarm you at the slightest sign of weakness. Choosing to be 'Victim' in your story will likely feel like settling into your favourite comfy chair. It feels kind of itchy and scratches and the springs are shot and poke you in all the most painful places. But despite all this it is like Victim KNOWS everything about you and feels kind of warm and cosy and familiar. The storyline will probably end up pretty bumpy but predictable and there likely won’t be too many surprises. But it may tend to leave you with a feeling of sadness and lack the size of Gibraltar. 'Hero' on the other hand is so dynamic it makes you feel like you can do ANYTHING!! Want a new story-line? 'Hero' has got it sorted! Done! But choosing to be Hero in your story can feel a little confronting. It means you feel at least a little bit in control of what happens. It means making decisions and choices. You sit in your Hero chair and it makes you sit up straight. It’s not moulded to you at all. You need to do the moulding. But you feel a little bit powerful. Maybe like YOU can do ANYTHING! You sense you can take action to change your situation. You can CHANGE your story. And that feels scary. But it can also also feel exciting! So which character do you want to choose for your story? Victim or Hero? Sometimes we don't actually know who to choose and that's ok. But listen to your words and thoughts and choose to show up for yourself today. And who knows what could happen. A Hero could show up in your life story just by being you. Warm wishes Karen Northey Counsellor / Coach EFT Practitioner (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Website: www.connexionscounselling.com Email: [email protected] |