Who are you without the labels?

We all have various labels that we pick up during life that describe who we are or what we do as determined by ourselves or others and often more broadly by society.

Take a moment to consider what the labels are that you carry? Perhaps it is ‘mother’, ‘father’, ‘sister’, ‘the responsible one’, ‘the failure’, ‘the achiever’, ‘the sensitive one’, ‘the dreamer’, ‘the carer’ or perhaps a certain job title.  Whatever the labels are, ask yourself now whether they feel like a good fit for you or do they make you feel like you are being backed into a corner with nowhere to go?

What responsibilities do you carry with these labels and do they feel good or do they feel like a burden? What stories do you tell yourself about what you need to do or be to fulfil these roles and responsibilities? Is there a belief you need to fulfil these roles to keep others happy? And do these labels conflict with what your heart truly desires?

If your heart’s desires and your reality match then well done! Keep doing what you are doing!

For many there is a significant gap between roles that feel authentic and the reality of the day to day grind. Hence the rapidly growing rates of depression and anxiety as people accumulate increasing pressures and feelings of responsibility that are out of synch with where they feel they want to be. This creates a sense of inner conflict. This may not be conscious but present as a gnawing feeling of discontent and a feeling of ‘there should be more to life than this’.

How do you change this story?

It can be scary to step out of the safety net of others’ expectations. Of standing out from the crowd. We are hard-wired as humans to feel safer fitting in and to be part of the status quo. In pre-historic times if you didn’t fit in with the tribe or tried to tread your own path it could put you in great danger as safety lay in being part of and cooperating with the group.   

So how do you start to create a life that feels more authentic to you? Here are some questions to ask yourself to begin mapping out what a more heart-driven life might feel like to you.
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• What is the change you want to see in the world? And how can you play your part in being the change you want to see?
• What are the issues that you are passionate about or that you want to stand for?
• What do you need to do differently to live in accordance with what is important to you?
• How do you want to be treated by others? And how is this different to how you are being treated now?
• How do you want to treat others? Is there anything that needs to change here?
• What do you want to be known for?
• If you have children, what type of person do you want to see them become? And as their greatest life teachers, are you modelling that for them now? What would you like to do differently?
• And what makes your heart sing? Write a list. Decide how you can start to incorporate these activities more into your life?

These questions help you to define your values. Values are our guiding principles about what is important to us. When we don’t live in a way that fits with our values, or are living to fit in with other people’s values, life can feel quite unfulfilling and dissatisfying.
 
What is the first step you can take now to create a life more in tune with your authentic self and what your heart truly desires? Baby steps are a great way to test the waters and infinitely better than no steps at all!
 

If you would like more information or to book a session with me from anywhere in the world you can refer to the details on my website, or contact me using the information below.  

Warm wishes
Karen Northey 
Counsellor / Coach
EFT Practitioner (Emotional Freedom Techniques)
Website: www.connexionscounselling.com
Email: info@connexionscounselling.com

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